Rape, rape, rape

    I spend some effort on this blog, trying to be funny or at least witty in most of my posts. I have one small slice of humor today and then I have some serious shit to discuss. Everyone's heard the saying "get off your high horse"? I actually have named my high horse that I frequently get up on. Until recently, his name was Silver, it's been changed to Branson because... Downton Abbey. Yup. End humor here.
     Today, I'm getting up on Branson and riding until I am blue in the face. Why? The Steubenville rape trial. You should know all about this. If you don't, inform yourself. Seriously.
     What is almost as terrible as all the horrifying, terrifying, monstrous things that were done to this girl? Branson and I have a few ideas... How about the way that 21st century media still views rape? How about the way Fox News actually blurted the name of the rape victim out on TV? How about the way CNN called the rapists "promising young students"? How about the way NBC News laments the boys "promising football careers? How about the way USA Today (that flaming rag) stresses that the victim was drunk? How about the way ABC News makes excuses for their behavior?  You want some personal experience, some anecdotes from my own life? How about the way that when I went off to college at 18, I was told "how not to get raped"? How about one night, out at the bars, when I wore low cut shirt, I had someone tell me I was "asking to get fucked"? How about how one of my closest friends in college woke up with her car in a ditch and no memory of the night because she let a guy buy her a drink and got drugged?
     Just when did people stop seeing women as the victims and start blaming the women themselves for being raped? When did we stop teaching our men not to rape women and start teaching our women not to get raped? Something is seriously wrong here. Rape is never okay. Ever. A woman should be able to be passed out in the corner of a bar totally naked with no friends and no one should touch her in that way. No one. Is this type of behavior totally stupid? Oh hell yes. But does stupidity justify rape? Never. Never ever. NEVER EVER EVER.
     Telling women not to get passed out drunk in public, not to take their eyes off their drinks, not to go home with someone you don't know is all probably good life advice. Even if every parent teaches their son that rape is wrong, no matter the circumstances, there's always going to be a loony or two out there and the usual slew of truly evil people. These boys in Ohio weren't the criminal element, they played football on their high school team. So why did they rape this girl? People's motivations are hard to figure out. We may never know why. Honestly, it was probably just a bad decision compounded by alcohol and peer pressure.
     The even bigger, more important question in my mind though, is why is the media and society as a whole excusing rape by blaming the behavior of the victim? When someone's house is broken into, no one says, "well they shouldn't have had anything worth taking". When someone's car is stolen, no one says "that's what you get for owning a nice car". When a person is murdered, no one says "they should have known better". Why is rape different? Why is everyone feeling sorry for these sad, stupid assholes? They raped a girl. Her life will never be the same and they did it.
     I know I'm putting my foot in my mouth here, but I feel like it has a lot to do with society's willingness to "let boys be boys"and forgive all manner of sins "because they can't help themselves". How is this even an excuse? Scientifically, does testosterone make you want to have more sex, more often? Yes. But is that an excuse for rape? No! Not to be too crude or indelicate here, but there's probably a girl at your school who wouldn't mind sleeping with you, or there's always a prostitute, or YOUR HAND. Why does a man's inability to control himself make raping a woman okay? WHY?
     Women, we need to fix this. We're being let down by everyone. Let down by poor parenting, let down by the media, let down by society, but more than anything, let down by the men who are committing this kind of act because they've been brought up in this society of rape apologists and they know that there will always be some asshole around trying to blame a girl instead of her rapist.
     Rant over. Alex and Branson out.

Grad School

     I've been looking at going back to school sometime soon, maybe even as soon as the fall semester. In addition to figuring out where the heck I want to go, I'm trying to figure out what the heck I want my Master's in which is more important right now than figuring out where I want to get it from. I'm considering Creative Writing, but I'm also looking at Museum Studies, English Literature, History (probably sometime in the European Renaissance), and maybe even Art History. So many choices! I just can't seem to narrow down what I really want to do with my life. It all sounds like so much fun to me. I'd love to spend my days writing short stories or novels, or reading classic literature, or examining Van Gogh paintings for symbolism, or reading about the inner workings of the Catholic Church during the Italian Renaissance. How can I decide which one to pursue? Is there any way to know which one will make me the happiest in the long run? I know that I can always be a lifelong student and continue to get degrees, but grad school is a hefty chunk of cash and if I'm going to invest that kind of money at this stage of my life, I have to seriously consider what it is that I want to do with at least this first part of my life. 

     I feel like lately everything has been one big life decision after another. However, I have to remember:

Damn you iPhone!

     Guys, I have a problem. I am a self-admitted over-communicator when it comes to friends and even more so, boyfriends. My iPhone has only made the problem 1000% worse because I have instant access to Facebook and other social media like that. Friends either ignore a lot of it or laugh it off, but it's usually a different story with boyfriends. That's why I always try and police how much I text (my communication drug of choice) boyfriends, especially new ones which is when the urge is the strongest. While I'm really good at policing how much I actually send, I'm not good at policing how much I check my own phone or even more, how much I wish there was something on that phone when I check it. It doesn't help that at work all day, I need to have my phone close by me so that I can talk to my boss and the other employees. If I didn't, I'd just leave it on silent in my bag for a few hours during the day.
     It's always a challenge to feel out a new relationship, and as good as this one is, there's still a transition period. I've been doing really well in this one about not texting too often, and better than normal with how much I check my phone. In some ways, I'm enjoying fewer texts, as they leave more time for me in my own day where I can focus on what I'm doing. The key for me is stop second-guessing the reasons behind the fewer texts and take them at face value. I'm still having leftover trust issues from the last relationship and in my mind, lots of messages has always equaled thinking of only you. That's just not the case and that's something I need to remind myself of every day. I've had cheating exes who texted me constantly, including while they were with the other girl! If your guy isn't texting you, it's because he's sleeping or working or eating or playing with his dogs or skating (usually this is what my guy is up to) or with his friends or cooking food or just not checking his phone every 2.5 seconds like you.
    I just have to remind myself of this and put the phone down. It'll be better for the relationship and ultimately better for myself and my own self-reliance, not to mention sanity. Just put the iPhone down Alex.