Baggage

     I had a date last night, and man, what a great date it was. In the interest of privacy, I won't go into much more detail but suffice it to say it was one of the best first dates I've ever been on. What made it so great (in addition of course to his amazing personality, good looks, humor, and the rampant chemistry)? NO BAGGAGE. I feel like the past year and a half was just a constant rehashing of drama and baggage and old news that I'd been through before so many times.
     This guy and I knew each other in high school, but we weren't friends at all really, more like friendly acquaintances. I can be honest with him about my past, but there's nothing in it having to do with him. He's a totally blank page and our "history" with each other is basically a blank page too with a few minor bullet points that only make for something to talk about. No one is hurting or holding grudges or remembering past mistakes.
     Obviously all of this is a big duh for people who never go back to exes and never date friends of ex-lovers or any of that. Sadly, I've always been one of those people who goes back to exes and dates groups of friends. This is different for me. This is such a great different for me. Driving to work today, I had the biggest grin on my face. The grin came from two places, first, the excitement of meeting and spending time with someone who makes you happy, and second, the happiness that comes from knowing that you aren't your past and you aren't the mistakes you've made.

Big Changes

     I had a feeling that 2013 would be a year of big changes, and it hasn't proven me wrong yet. In the 21 days since the new year started, I have:

- broken up with my boyfriend

- moved out of the apartment we shared

- moved back home with my parents

- decided I am moving to Minnesota in June

That's a lot of moving on, moving out, and moving away.

     The boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now, and I broke up for a hundred different reasons. The main ones? He told me for a year and 3 months that he would move to Minnesota with me. He told me 4 days before Christmas, that he had changed his mind and that if we wanted to stay together, I would have to stay in my teeny-tiny hometown. A week into the new year, after I told him that I would stay with him in our hometown, he told me that he was moving into his Grandma's old (crappy, crummy, disgusting, with NO HEAT) house and that if I wanted to live with him, I had to move in to. Or we could live separately and "still date". I countered that by telling him if I agreed to move in there, I wanted to do it as his fiancee. 

     Long story short, there is no ring on my finger. The sad truth is, he didn't want to marry me. Hell, he didn't want to date me anymore, which must be blatantly obvious to you after reading all of the above, but was sadly not so obvious to me. The thing is, he was just not that into me. Oof. It hurts me still, just to read that sentence. And the thing is, I really miss him. Not the lover side of him, which frankly wasn't that great to start with, but the friend side of him. In the past 21 days, I've lost my lover and my best friend. 

     The other decisions come from that one. I'm moving out and moving home because I obviously am not going to live with him, and I'd like to save some money before I make the big move to MN, which I'm apparently making alone. Alone. ALONE.

     It's still sinking in.