Wednesday Photo Spam

Just a few recent photos off my phone to brighten up an otherwise dull Wednesday. 

Chihuahua Nonsense

Huge moth by the front door

Me and my friend Drea enjoying her pool

I've seen this truck a couple times on my way to work and it never fails to make me laugh. The tailgate says "South Cali Grown". 

And finally, my little pet mouse Marty.

Hope everyone has an awesome Wednesday! 

Irrational Annoyances

     The older I get, the longer the list of things that irrationally annoy me gets. Now, irrational annoyances are different than things that you think need to be changed for the world to move forward. I hate sexism, racism, animal cruelty, poverty, and the deplorable way America cares for veterans and the homeless. Those don't make this list because they are so incredibly important. No, irrational annoyances are things that you find annoying that other people may love or do or just be ambivalent about. 
     Like anything else of this nature, irrational annoyances tend to cause some difference of opinion between people, but since this is my blog, and only about three people actually ever look at it, I figure I can list them here without causing too much offense. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. The Red Hot Chili Peppers 
2. America's obsession with bacon
3. People who don't use their turn signals
4. Television shows where a schlumpy dumb creep is married to a smart babe (that's not a real thing guys)
5. Health food nuts who are so fervent they can't relax and eat a candy bar once in awhile
6. Raw onions in breakfast foods
7. People who eat gluten-free but don't have Celiac's disease
8. Advertisements that are simply a mostly naked woman holding/eating/using the product (I know sex sells, but come on. At least have a little more imagination than that)
9. People who text back one word answers when you just sent them a paragraph about something
10. People who don't like Christmas music (Scrooges!) 
11. People who take longer than a minute or so to order in a drive-thru line
12. The Foo Fighters
13. Little kids who run around loose in a restaurant (control your spawn!)
14. Creamy peanut butter (what is the point??)
15. Cars with bumper stickers that I disagree with (I know, I know, I know. This is SO irrational. Obviously your bumper stickers can say whatever you want. I just get SO annoyed when I see one that I blatantly disagree with)
16. People who don't floss
17. People who say "go down to LA" when LA is totally north of where we are
18. People who don't cover their mouths/noses when they sneeze
19. Oreos 
20. Commercials where kids talk to the camera like adults
21. People who are proud of how they "don't read much"

Anybody disagree? Anybody have any irrational annoyances that I missed? 

You know you have some...

Exciting News!

     It's been a long time, but I have some exciting news. It's been a busy past couple months. I applied for grad school at my alma mater, Northern Arizona University, and got in. I also applied for a graduate teaching position and was selected. This means that in addition to going to classes, I'll be teaching a class of undergrad freshman English 105 (a basic English class required for all freshman). For this, I'm getting paid, and I'm also getting 100% of my tuition waived which is the greatest part of all! So, in late July, I'll be moving back up back to my beloved Flagstaff, taking my fur child with me, of course.

     Life is good.

Thankfulness

A woman and her son were in line in front of me at CVS. Her total ended up being $20.09. She only had $20 with her but told the lady that she was sure she had change in her car. I was in a bit of a hurry so I handed her a dime. She looked at me like she couldn't believe it. She said "Thank you! God bless you. Happy Thanksgiving." I've never seen someone so grateful for 10 cents in my life. 

I complain a lot. I never feel like I have enough money for all the traveling I want to do and all the fun I want to have. But by the grace of life, fate, God, or what have you, I have never been grateful to the point of tears for 10 cents. I am so blessed. I have been given such a beautiful, wonderful, easy life, even if it doesn't always feel that way. I'm a lucky lucky girl.

Excuses, excuses

     It's been a long time since I wrote anything here, but frankly it's been a long time since I wrote anything at all. My grandma passed away just over a month ago now, and then two weeks ago, my beloved pet rat Johnny Winter passed away. In case, those two things weren't enough, I've been having a lot of issues at work with my boss which are too upsetting to even talk about here, and I've been sick. So excuses, excuses, excuses, but they all feel pretty valid to me.
     It already feels like summer here in Southern California, even if spring isn't officially over yet. I'm definitely crossing my fingers that it'll be a better summer than this spring was. In the interest of trying to be proactive, I'm setting a few summer goals:

1. Blog: I'm going to try and get back to blogging regularly, well, as regularly as I ever blog.
2. Exercise: I need to start doing something physically active everyday, even if it's just walking the dog after dinner.
3. Longboard: My beloved boyfriend bought me a longboard (his passion is downhill speed boarding) and I am going to teach myself to ride, so we can cruise around the beach or the neighborhood together.
4. Read: I have to read more. I spend far too much time watching Netflix or screwing around on the Internet.
5. Diet: Not a diet to lose weight, but a diet to be healthier. I eat pretty well already, but I know I'll feel better if I start eating a little less processed crap and a little more fruit and veggies.
   
     Happy Summer (or end of Spring)!

Grandma Katie

     So this past weekend, I went to my grandma's funeral. She was my last living grandparent and that made it all the more of a bitter pill to swallow. We've never had what could be described as a great relationship, but I loved her dearly, and I know she felt the same about me. I was surprised how upset I was at her actual funeral. I had written an homage to her, but was crying so hard I couldn't even talk. Needless to say, I didn't stand up to read it. I think more than anything, I felt like part of my childhood died too. Whenever we went back to Minnesota to visit, we always stayed in her basement. Now, not only is she not around, but her house is being emptied, her possessions sold, and we will never again spend two weeks ever summer in the same house I've been coming to for 23 years.
     So here it is, my final homage to my last grandparent and what I see as the closing lines of the chapter of my childhood:

For C.C.N. From A.C.N.

Stephen S. Wise wrote “An unshared life is not living. He who shares does not lessen, but greaten his life.” My Grandma Katie always knew how to share her life with the people around her. She wrote letters, played piano in nursing homes, went to church, was a substitute teacher, travelled all over, made friends with her neighbors, and sent Christmas cards out by the dozens.
As one of her grandchildren, I was often portrayed on these cards when I was young, usually in snowy day clothes and always in the company of my cousins Christine and Emily, multiple cats, and the words of whatever song or poem caught Grandma’s eye that year. Being rendered in pen and ink and having it mailed out in a card thrilled me at that age. Consequently, Grandma’s cards made a big impression on me from the time I was very young and became an integral part of the holiday season for me. It’s strange and sad to think that we won’t be getting a Christmas card from St. Louis Park this year, but the last time I saw Grandma, about a month ago, she shared something with me that’ll make this Christmas a little easier.
Sitting in her living room, she told me, “I like the song “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan. I don’t like the music and I don’t really like him, but I like how it rhymes and I like the sentiment. I was going to put it in this year’s Christmas card, with at least two cats, maybe three. So if I don’t do a Christmas card this year, well then you’ll know what it was going to be.” 
Now I don’t know what part of that song she was planning on including, but the last verse is what has always given me the most comfort when times get tough.

May your hands always be busy 
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation 
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful 
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
May you stay forever young.

The Truth Comes Out

     I feel like most people had their roughest patch in middle school, or junior high, or high school. Not me. My roughest patch started my second semester of college and guys, it's STILL going on. I'm 23 years old, I'll be 24 in July, and I'm still waking up most mornings feeling like complete shit.
     I feel like there's two big factors in my rough patch. The first is major depression and anxiety. I've tried most medications out there in different doses and different combinations and the only thing they all had in common was making me feel like a hollow, unemotional shell. Yeah, the utterly hopeless feeling and crippling anxiety were gone, but they left me feeling like someone else entirely. In my opinion, it wasn't worth the tradeoff. If you have never been depressed, and I mean really depressed not just a case of the blues, consider yourself incredibly lucky. We all have a cross or two to bear and while it's an aspect of the human condition to think that the burden we bear is heavier than someone else's, I know that there is worse baggage to drag around. So yes, while depression and anxiety are my burdens and they aren't something I'd wish on my worst enemy, I recognize that they aren't the worst things out there. Even more importantly perhaps, I know that these issues will be with me for the rest of my life and that they are something I'm going to have to learn to deal with and accept and until I do, I won't be truly happy. The second factor? The factor that is making it so difficult for me to accept my anxiety and depression? The factor that is making my daily case of the "mean reds"* so utterly unbearable?
     I don't love myself. Hell, I don't even like me.
     Even seeing it written there seems silly and immature. That's how deep this goes. I can't even admit an honest truth about myself without putting myself down about it, about the validity of what I'm feeling. My best friend in the entire world told me the other day that she thinks she's "a total badass" and that even though she has moments of self-doubt, they are tempered with moments of total acceptance and love for herself. She is truly a complete and total badass through and through, so I can see how she feels that way, but I can't help but wonder where she found that acceptance of herself? There are a lot of redeeming qualities to me and there are things that I've done that I'm really proud of and aspects of my personality that I find charming in other people, so why is it that I can't even like myself? How did my friend manage to turn her accomplishments and personality traits into self-love?
    I don't know. I don't think it's something that can be explained, certainly not explained by someone who possesses no self-love of their own. All I know is, that I won't get over my rough patch and into the next stage of my life until I learn to love me. All my life, I've looked for self-validation from others, from my parents, teachers, grades, and men. Mostly men. I've had some rotten relationships. I've been cheated on and, physically, emotionally, and verbally abused more times than I can count. I rely on men to tell me I'm pretty or smart or funny or that they can't live without me because I can't live with me.
     My new boyfriend is really great. He is the kindest man I've been with and he treats me so well. We have fun together and even though it's early in the relationship, I see potential for something more there. That something more? It's never going to happen with him or anyone else until I learn to love myself, or at least like myself. I wrote some resolutions down at the beginning of the year. Most of them, I haven't stuck to very well but that's okay. That's okay, because my biggest resolution for the month, for the year, for the rest of my life is to learn to love me.

* This is from Breakfast at Tiffany's. If you haven't seen it or don't remember what the "mean reds" are, go here: http://movieclips.com/AEsN-breakfast-at-tiffanys-movie-the-mean-reds/ and watch immediately.